Check yourself before you wreck yourself (in terms of problematic first judgements)

Throughout reading Weiss’ paper about male sexual assault and male victimization, I found that  I had to check myself multiple times because of the odd eye-roll or because of my occasional lack of empathy and overpowering doubt. I couldn’t change my thinking for long enough, and I was confused- I’ve been in this class for about a month, exposed to multiple readings and scenarios that have brought me to an overwhelming emotional state. I’m a feminist and someone who fights for intersectional equality, including the equity of all genders and sexualities. But I couldn’t get into this paper enough to take it as seriously as it deserves, and give it the compassion and empathy it deserves. The deep social constructions of masculinity, who the legitimate victim is, and male sexuality in general have still polluted my perception, and I was perplexed.  

This initial judgement that I later had to correct is something that victims of sexual assault have to deal with constantly, and is a thought process that delegitimizes their experiences in professional and legal circumstances. This is incredibly true for male victims as well. As Weiss said, it can also shift the victims perspective to a place of self blaming when this doubt comes from the public eye. This mindset has disturbing consequences when it’s not confronted. Ultimately, the patriarchy has headlined deeply gendered expectations and constructions that fabricate every individual’s experience, regardless if they are a man or a woman. Not only does it construct one’s experience, but it constructs the way other’s interpret that experience. 

The reflection on one’s way of thinking is important. Throughout this course I’ve had to check myself multiple times, and (hopefully) corrected my thinking on many concepts. Recognizing the initial thought process as something we’ve perhaps been conditioned to believe and influenced by others growing up, whether that is what would be deemed “correct” or “responsible” thinking or not, is a critical part to personal growth. It’s not a bad thing if your initial thoughts may reflect a narrow minded point of view, or reflect a way of thinking that you now see as problematic. It’s in identifying that and actively shifting your way of thinking that determines who you are as an individual.