The
experiences of the women interviewed and the interviewers stuck with me for
many days after reading the Campbell article. I am hypersensitive to my
surrounding as it is and this article only further reminded me that despite all
precautions you might never be safe. In this post I will discuss the two things
that have remained in my mind: safety and “the rules” women must follow.
The interview with the woman whose
rape resulted in a pregnancy changed the interviewers idea of safety. Campbell
writes “that’s how she spent her birthday that year: doing an interview for her
research practicum that forever changed how she understood her safety in the
world” (43). This really struck me because I began to reflect on how my
understanding of safety had changed over my lifetime. Had it been specific
events? Had it just changed over time with maturity? For me it was a
combination of the two but with certain events resulting in drastic changes in
my idea of safety. The woman who was interviewed said her rape occurred in a
house that had other people in it. Many people would have considered this
setting a safe space and I think the woman may have even considered it one.
Where will this woman ever feel safe again? The fact that women everywhere have
to be constantly narrowing how they understand safety is infuriating.
Campbell talks about the rules that women live by. “We start learning these rules as little girls and grow up in their shadow” (48). This reminded me of my aunt that all throughout my childhood would tell me before she would drop me off anywhere, including my house, to “not talk to strangers, take candy from strangers, go anywhere with strangers, and always go places with a friend.” When I was younger it seemed like a joke, just something my aunt always said, but as I grew older I saw the validity in her statements. I not only follow her advice today but have added many more rules that I must follow day-to-day. Campbell mentions after discussing the assault on the woman who lived on the fourth floor of her building, that “the violation was so egregious that it left us wondering why we even bother trying to follow the rules at all” (50). Thinking about all my rules and then reading this article with these stories of how those rules are utterly useless also made me consider why I even bother with my rules.
Campbell talks about the rules that women live by. “We start learning these rules as little girls and grow up in their shadow” (48). This reminded me of my aunt that all throughout my childhood would tell me before she would drop me off anywhere, including my house, to “not talk to strangers, take candy from strangers, go anywhere with strangers, and always go places with a friend.” When I was younger it seemed like a joke, just something my aunt always said, but as I grew older I saw the validity in her statements. I not only follow her advice today but have added many more rules that I must follow day-to-day. Campbell mentions after discussing the assault on the woman who lived on the fourth floor of her building, that “the violation was so egregious that it left us wondering why we even bother trying to follow the rules at all” (50). Thinking about all my rules and then reading this article with these stories of how those rules are utterly useless also made me consider why I even bother with my rules.
This post is primarily venting and I
wish I could list some solutions about how to handle these issues but I am at a
loss. Campbell’s article was great and I think I will continue to think about
it throughout this course.
The topic of safety really got to me, especially the discussion in class where I realized the safety rules I follow might be pointless. The fact that I park in light, try not to be out late, and always keep my keys between my fingers as a potential might is not enough. You grow up thinking that if you are aware of your surroundings and follow certain safety guidelines then you will be safe. Conversely, the girls who don't follow the rules and go out willy-nilly are the ones getting attacked.
ReplyDeleteThe example in Campbell's article about the woman on the fourth floor was a real eye-opener. This really can happen and it seems that no amount of preparation and no safety rule is enough. I used to feel that with my keys sticking out of my fingers I presented a "don't mess with me" vibe. That an attacker would automatically know to back off. Now I see that this is not the case. I wonder what it should with that information? Should I continue to take precautions or should I ignore them completely? Then I start thinking, when we read about assaults, we look at circumstances around and try to see if the victim could have prevented the attack somehow and we judge if we are not satisfied that they did not do everything that they could do to protect themselves. Now knowing what I know about the almost futility of safety measures, how would I be perceived if I did not follow them and was attacked? Do we have to follow the rules for society's sake even if we know they are not helpful? Does that make us more sympathetic victims? Oh she did everything she possibly could have, it's not her fault, poor thing versus, oh she parked in the dark and had earphones on and her keys were in her pockets? Victims are already blamed, we saw how the police treated the woman on the fourth floor. What would happen if we made it public knowledge that the safety rules are almost useless? Because before this class, I had never thought of it that way.
ReplyDeleteI have also been thinking about safety a lot throughout the last few weeks, so thank you for writing on it! I'm glad you also brought up the idea Campbell brought up about how we grow up in this shadow of safety rules because I do think we begin to define ourselves, our relationships and what we do based on that ever lingering shadow.
Following from Aaishah's reply, I have also been pondering why the ideas around safety tips are still so prevalent.
I too got a lot of tips when I was younger, and still get them consistently. Watch your drink, don’t wear skirts out, call someone whenever you leave anywhere, write down and text the license plate of any cab you get into, don’t hang out with men alone … the list goes on (and on, and on). While these tips don’t work and put the onus on us should anything happen, they also perpetuate and excusing of perpetrators. These tips also pit us against each other, because it creates a “well it could never happen to me” mentality where we check off what a survivor forgot to do and tell ourselves we always follow the rules of safety, so we’ll be fine. Even though that isn’t necessarily true. I see this idea of protection if we follow all the safety tips exactly so much, and it’s frustrating to see, but I also understand the need for some people to buy into an idea that if they just follow all the rules, nothing bad will happen.
Another thing that I have been thinking about is the idea that safety is not a single layered thing. There is so much complexity and so much to take into account that it feels as though safety can never be guaranteed. So why is this idea perpetuated that it’s a single-step process to be safe (e.x., “just follow these ten simple tips and you’ll never be assaulted!”)?