The Separation Between the Erotic and the Sexual

In this post I want to briefly discuss Audre Lorde’s definition of the erotic, and how she disassociates eroticism from sex. If I’m being honest I’m still not entirely sure if I can separate the two. Lorde makes the distinction between the erotic and the “superficially erotic,” which she says has become a tool of oppression for women. It is for this reason that many women have succumbed to the, “false belief that only by the suppression of the erotic within our lives and consciousness can [they] be truly strong.” However, Lorde states that this is not fulfillment as it is still working within the frames of male power structures.

Audre Lorde also says that the erotic has been “misnamed by men and used against women,” so that the term is now confused with the pornographic. She sees pornography as a sensory form of satisfaction that is devoid of feeling, whereas the erotic is “an internal sense of satisfaction,” that we should all aspire towards.

While I feel as though Lorde is trying to separate the erotic from sexuality, my first impression of this piece was that it was expanding the definition of sexuality. When I was in a Feminism and Sexuality course two years ago I was unable to define for myself what a sexual act was. Lorde’s work made me wonder if all things that give us internal satisfaction are in a way inherently sexual. If perhaps internal pleasure is synonymous with sexual pleasure, then maybe the definition of sex should not be limited by my ideas of genital stimulation, etc… I realize that this might be a very Freudian take on things. Of course Lorde would call my definition of sexuality, ‘erotic,’ which I suppose is what I am really struggling with. I just can’t understand eroticism outside of the parameters of the sexual or the pornographic.

I am also drawn to the passage, “we have been raised to fear the yes within ourselves, our deepest cravings.” I wonder if this is one of the reasons why the erotic is often conflated with the notion of sexuality, since as a society, we are taught to fear our sexual urges. Young women are particularly afraid of their own sexual fulfillment because this has been coded as deviant. However, Lorde expands this notion of craving, and of deviance, to encapsulate all forms pleasure. Part of my understanding of eroticism is its link to deviance, and I wonder if this too can be separated. If we find ultimate satisfaction and fulfillment can this still be considered erotic? Or does the erotic depend on the taboo? Would we crave something if it were attainable? Once again this makes me wonder if my need to associate eroticism with deviance stems from my marriage to the idea that it is inherently linked to the sex act. I'm just not sure if I buy into Lorde's distinction between the two terms, that or I am a narrow-minded individual who has been tainted by the the male-power structure that oppresses women with its misnaming of eroticism.