In Those We Trust

Reading the essay by Rebecca Campbell brings some unsettling thoughts to the surface. The most concerning one is how helpless and vulnerable really can be in a society—a world—where people refuse to acknowledge the existence of Rape Culture. Ironically, it is also because of said-people who refuse to acknowledge the existence and reality of Rape Culture that Rape Culture persists. After reading the stories of numerous women from the interviews in Campbell’s “From Thinking to Feeling: The Stories That Bring Feeling to Researching Rape”, one cannot help but feel disturbed for the survivors interviewed are no different than ourselves, friends, family, and neighbours. Similarly, many of the perpetrators of sexual assault are people we trust: friends, family, and neighbours.

We as humans are social creatures. We grow up in families; we go to school in classes; and we work in companies with colleagues. Yes, there are exceptions to each, but to some degree, we all search for people we can care for, love, and (most importantly) trust. The foundation for any significant relationship, trust is a truly necessary component of human interactions. It is horrifying to think the people we hold closest are the ones who may cause the greatest atrocities towards us.

The media has a tendency to portray sexual assault perpetrators as strangers who lurk in the dark alleys of dangerous parts of town looking for the opportunities to strike. Thus, girls and women grow up taught to be cautious about ‘Stranger Danger’ in a way boys and men likely never will; girls and women grow up taught to take extra safety precautions. But the experiences recorded by real women who have survived their assaults in Campbell’s essay suggest all the ‘rules’ we are taught are lived by in vain:

We worry about those strangers—the ones in the bushes and now, the ones with the landers. Although the epidemiological data clearly suggest we should be more afraid of our acquaintances, friends, and romantic partners, we aren’t.
We heard plenty of date-rape stories in our research, which served as constant reminders that we should fear those we know. But the safety rules are all about stranger rape. The safety rules don’t provide “protection” from our friends and partners.

We want to think the people close to us wouldn’t commit such barbaric crimes against us. We want to believe that the survivor was attacked because she neglected to follow the ‘rules’. We do this because the thought of all those lessons being futile against the real perpetrators—those we trust—is not only unimaginable, but terrifying. When we are wronged by those closest to us, there is a whole other barrier broken down, and it is then we suddenly realize there is no place where we can be completely safe.