Who is the "Reasonable Rapist?"

The idea of the “Reasonable Rapist" in this week’s reading has caused me a lot of trouble over the past few days. Catharine Mackinnon’s “Reasonable Rapist” speaks to an idea from Campbell’s text regarding the “Rules of Rape” and the fact that there aren’t any. Still, women have to tell ourselves certain lies to feel safe and I think that the Reasonable Rapist might be the same rapist who does in fact follow the rules of rape women invent to maintain the façade that we are safe from rape in the world.

What are these rules of rape? How does one rape someone in a way that is “fair” to the victim? I’m picturing some sort of rulebook that says things like “a rapist needs to make their attempts in a way that the victim could get away if they tried hard enough.” But all of the rules I can think of are dependent on the victim’s ability or inability to stop the rape and that is not their responsibility. It is not a victim’s responsibility to stop their rape. It is the rapist’s.

I mentioned in Wednesday’s class that I struggled to picture this reasonable rapist. Why are men allowed to misunderstand and be ignorant of consent? Over and over we see men walk free from court rooms because how can you rightfully charge someone for something they didn’t know they were doing? If a person’s intent was not to rape, then clearly no harm was done.

This baffles me.

It seems men are either too young to understand consent or, in cases where sexual assault is undeniable, the rapist was “mentally ill.”  Rapists can cry ignorance and society somehow finds this an acceptable excuse. Instead of taking the opportunity to teach these men a lesson by charging them for their crimes, juries and judges do little more than give these men a brief scare and a rap across the knuckles.

Here’s the thing: if you step on someone’s toes, whether they are the toes of a stranger or your best friend or your partner, you probably didn’t mean to step on their toes. You probably didn’t mean to cause them pain. But that doesn’t mean you don’t need to apologize and acknowledge what you did. Nobody’s reaction to stepping on someone’s toes is “I didn’t mean to!” You don’t deserve to be rewarded because your intent wasn’t to cause harm. You still owe that person an apology and you need to watch your step in the future. You still have to account for your own actions.

And if you go around stepping on other people’s toes on purpose, there’s probably something wrong with you.

Unless rapists are held accountable for their rapes, whether it really was a case of ignorance, rape is never going to stop happening. White male rapists can feel secure that they’ll go free claiming mental illness in a court of law. Sixteen-year-old football jocks can feel secure that they won’t be blamed because they were too young to know better. Boys will be boys. Under different circumstances, these men and boys are probably all upstanding citizens who love their mommies. It’s still not an excuse. I don’t care if you’re literally Michelle Obama. If you step on my feet, you need to apologize. Even if it was an accident. Even if I was somehow blocking your path.

If you cause someone harm, you owe them an apology and you owe yourself the consequences of your actions. If you are a reasonable rapist, you'll take the jail time and you'll spend the rest of your life trying to make up for your actions.